By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
In order to forgive children, parents must identify the offenses they have committed against them.
Family Counseling Ministries -
Is your home a war zone? Parents are often bitter towards their children for their disrespectful, disobedient behavior. Many teenagers are disenchanted with their family life. They dont like the rules their parents impose on them, they dont care for their parents discipline, and they believe they are victims of unfair, inhumane treatment. When Dr. Dunlap counsels parents of teenagers, he offers them this checklist to help them identify the specific ways their children have offended them.
I forgive my children for:
1. Telling me no when I give them a command. _____
2. Interrupting my conversations when my spouse and I are talking with each other or with other adults. _____
3. Complaining when I give them a job to do. _____
4. Waiting to obey, or procrastinating (putting off obeying until later). _____
5. Arguing with me. _____
6. Demonstrating an ungrateful spirit to me by complaining about food, clothes, shoes, etc. _____
7. Comparing me to their friends parents. _____
8. Talking back to me. _____
9. Rolling their eyes in disgust at me, or making other unacceptable facial expressions. _____
10. Showing disrespect for me by talking about me negatively to others. _____
11. Doing the jobs I give them half-heartedly, just to get by. _____
12. Trying to manipulate me in order to get their way. _____
13. Lying to me. _____
14. Telling me half-truths (which is still deception). _____
15. Not calling me to let me know when theyll be late coming home. _____
16. Doing things that I dont approve of. _____
17. Stealing things. _____
18. Trading their possessions with friends, without my permission. _____
19. Seeing movies, or videos that they know I would not approve of. _____
20. Borrowing things without my approval. _____
21. Yelling at me or speaking rudely and disrespectfully to me. _____
22. Using unreasonable terms such as, You always
or You never
_____
23. Misusing furniture, such as slamming doors, hitting walls, throwing things, etc. _____
24. Pouting when they dont get their way. _____
25. Giving in to moods, and acting sulky for no apparent reason. _____
26. Neglecting their duties, and making excuses for laziness. _____
27. Failing to show appreciation to me. _____
28. Refusing to willingly and cheerfully receive instruction or correction (having an unteachable spirit). _____
29. Getting out of bed at night for unnecessary reasons in order to delay going to sleep at their appointed bedtime. _____
30. Making long-distance phone calls without permission. _____
31. Abusing phone privileges by having long conversations and monopolizing the family telephone. _____
32. Spending excessive amounts of time at the computer, emailing friends, etc. _____
33. Doing anything illegal either in our home or outside of it. _____
34. Having guests over at inappropriate times. _____
35. Not taking proper care of their possessions and their room. _____
36. Misquoting what I say, to their brothers and sisters. _____
37. Not serving with a good attitude. _____
38. Always having to be reminded of their responsibilities. _____
39. Nagging me, or begging for something after I have said, No. _____
40. Leaving certain areas of the house messy, for other people to clean up. _____
41. Playing tricks on me. _____
42. Accusing me of playing favorites. _____
43. Seldom or never hugging me and telling me that they love me. _____
44. Seldom or never allowing me to hug them. _____
45. Ignoring me when I am speaking to them. _____
46. Responding slowly when I call them. _____
47. Trying to play my spouse and me against each other. _____
48. Not helping take care of me when I am not feeling well. _____
49. Trying to talk their way out of punishment that they know they deserve. _____
50. Having a demanding attitude, insisting upon having their way. _____
51. Not giving me the courtesy of their full attention when I am talking to them. _____
52. Wasting time in front of the TV and/or playing computer games. _____
53. Seldom or never asking me if there is anything special that that they can do for me. _____
54. Not surprising me with gifts or cards on special occasions, such as my birthday, anniversary, Mothers Day or Fathers Day. _____
55. Not verbally expressing their appreciation to me for all that I do for them. _____
56. Not asking for my forgiveness when they offend me. _____
57. Not readily forgiving me when I offend them. _____
58. Not allowing me to be human and make mistakes. _____
59. Holding grudges against me. _____
60. Not praying for me. _____
61. Not doing their best to make good grades at school. _____
62. Dressing wildly, in a way that embarrasses me. _____
63. Being unwilling to change their hairstyle if I tell them I think it looks rebellious. _____
64. Not asking for my opinions about issues in their lives. _____
65. Refusing to get an after-school job to earn spending money. ____
66. Treating my friends impolitely and disrespectfully.
67. Having poor phone manners. _____
68. Not joining in enthusiastically on family outings. _____
69. Acting embarrassed to be seen with me. _____
70. Being insensitive to my feelings. _____
71. Not taking care of my possessions when they borrow them. _____
72. Not offering me extra help when they know I am under unusual stress. _____
73. Never offering to run errands for me. _____
74. Borrowing money from me, and forgetting to pay it back. _____
75. Seldom or never paying me compliments. _____
76. Losing things and expecting me to replace them. _____
77. Automatically blaming me when something goes wrong. _____
78. Pitching temper tantrums. _____
79. Exaggerating stories or stretching the truth when I ask them questions about their life. _____
80. Muttering things under their breath when I rebuke them. _____
Dr. Don Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete library of Dr. Dunlaps articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries. Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com ministry Partner.